Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
