I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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