who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
