hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
