I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
