Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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