I'm going to jail i love you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
