i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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