he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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