You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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