and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
