he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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