if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
