Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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