Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
