I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
