Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
