Swine flu. Run for my life!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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