Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
