I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
