oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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