somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
