I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
