Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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