Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
