Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
