Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize