Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
