We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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