And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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