I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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