She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
