stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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