fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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