My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
