I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
