Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
