Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
