i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
