I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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