You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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