I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Come on in and take your pants off
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