There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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