It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize