Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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