I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Randomize
