Define "chronic" masturbator.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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