just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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