Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
