I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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