So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
