Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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