i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
