i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
