oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize