You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
