mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
