We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
