he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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