i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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