I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
