I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize