so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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