And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
