I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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