Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
