I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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