you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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